Okay, I’m on panic mode now. If I am ever going to get back my Paraiba Tourmaline, I know I will have to bring Willy to the slaughter and have him for dinner.
I talked to Steve about it and he didn’t seem quite happy. I was on the phone with him yesterday.
Steve: Don’t you love your goat?!
Me: Yes, but I also need to get my Paraiba tourmaline.
Steve: Are you serious about eating Willy?
Me: More or less, bro. It’s quite expensive to have him buried or cremated.
Steve: You need to think seriously think about that. You know that I love Willy as much as you love him.
I hung up the phone shortly after that, on guilty mode. I suddenly remembered that Steve used to create insurance websites. He did tell me once about the current rave on premium financing, or having a premium financing company pay for the premiums on your life insurance policy. Hmm… Why not take an insurance policy for Willy and have a premium financing company pay for his premiums? That way I can give him a proper burial instead of eating him (the though of which just makes Steve’s stomach churn). And I can also pay for the very expensive Paraiba Tourmaline that’s now consigned inside his stomach. I googled “premium financing” and came across Life Insurance Premium Finance. I took note of the number on the website and called.
Operator: Life Insurance Premium Financing. This is Jon. How may I help you?
Me: Uhmm. I’d like to get a life insurance policy for Willy please.
Operator: Last name and age please.
Me: Digoot and uhmmm he’s five years old.
Operator: Sorry, but we only cater to high net worth individuals on our premium financing.
Me: Okay, but Willy’s high net worth too. From the other end of the line, I could see the operator raising his eyebrows.
So okay, I’m not very good at lying, and I burst out with the information that I was desperate to have Willy insured so I can give him a proper burial - as all good pets should have – instead of eating him just to get my Paraiba Tourmaline back.
The laughter I heard from the other end of the line was deafening. I could hear Jon say in-between laughs, “We don’t insure pets for dinner.”
There goes my Willy. Now I will have to eat him for dinner.
Recent Adventures of Willy the Goat